Lost
by jdeppgirl4
Summary: Edmund, Trufflehunter, Trumpkin, and Reepicheep come upon something while lost in Aslan's How. Oh, Aslan, how did this happen!


**A/N: Hello all in fanfiction land! This is a Suspian lemon, if you will. However, it's meant to be funny, so don't take it too seriously. Reviews are always welcome!**

"I swear to Aslan how is it that you ever find your way around in here?!"

"We're so sorry King Edmund, but we really thought that this was the way!

"Honestly, you're a badger Trufflehunter! And you! Trumpkin, you're a dwarf! You're supposed to know your way around underground!"

"With all do respect King Edmund don't you think that you're being a little stereotypical?"

"No! OK maybe, I just can't stand being lost. And in a cave. I'm quite claustrophobic you know!"

"My liege, surely you've seen worse? A cave isn't going to get you!"

"Shut up Reepicheep! Not everybody can be as brave as a mouse!"

"Did you hear that King Edmund?"

"Hear what Trufflehunter?"

"It sounded like voices around the corner."

"Oh thank Aslan, we're saved! We must be getting close to the meeting room. Honestly, how does Peter expect us to get to these things on time if it's practically a darn maze down here?"

"Susan, I think I hear somebody coming!"

"Nonsense Caspian, everybody's already at the meeting, they're just waiting on us and we'll just say we got lost."

"Queen Su…."

"SHHH!!! Don't let them hear us Reepicheep! In case you haven't noticed they're in kind of an awkward position!"

"Whatever do you mean King Edmund?"

"They're practically making out! Oh Aslan, isn't they're another way around?"

"No, sir. I think this is it and quite frankly I don't want to risk getting lost again."

"Damn it! I really don't want to see this."

"See what, my liege?"

"Oh nothing. Um, let's just sit and hide here and wait for them to get through."

"Get through with what?"

"Making out, jeez! Susan would kill me if I interrupted her."

"Susan, I really think we should get going. King Peter is waiting."

"Let him wait. I'm sure he can handle it."

"But Susan, he'll get suspicious! He already doesn't like me."

"I'm sure Edmund and Lucy are keeping him occupied."

"I heard my name! What did she say?"

"Something about how you're keeping Peter occupied so he won't kill Caspian."

"We're all screwed!"

"My liege, why is your sister attacking Caspian?"

"What!"

"She has him pinned against the wall; she's causing him some sort of pain between his legs."

"WHAT!"

"Susan, we really can't do this. It's not right."

"You're body seems to be saying otherwise."

"Oh Aslan, don't stop! I mean stop! No! Susan, we cannot do this!"

"Why is she doing that?"

"Um, she wants him?"

"She seems to have him. He's right there."

"No, I mean WANTS him. Oh, it's a complete disaster isn't it? How to explain this…mating, yes, that's it! She wants to mate with him!"

"Oh you mean like have offspring in order to carry on the human race? Well that's just grand! I wish I could find a nice lady badger to mate with."

"NO! I mean do the activity that leads to having kids without the having kids part."

"But aren't they going about it all wrong, my liege? They sure are taking a long time."

"Yeah they are, Reepicheep. It's a human thing, you know? It's not all about the act; the events leading up to it are just as important. Helps create the mood, if you will."

"Well that's just weird. You humans always were an odd bunch. Now dwarfs…"

"Susan, I beg you please stop before I do something I'll regret."

"Isn't there supposed to be some sort of biting involved in mating, Reepicheep?

"I always thought so, Trufflehunter."

"Jeez Caspian, quit being a wuss!"

"I am not a wuss, Susan!"

"Oh, there's the biting!"

"What, what happened?!"

"Prince Caspian now has Queen Susan pinned against the wall and is biting her neck! It's quite the scene King Edmund. Are you sure you don't want to look?"

"Oh Aslan, this is not happening! I don't want to see this, I don't want to see this, I don't want to see this…"

"You best remember who you're talking to, my Queen."

"Caspian, oh Caspian! Don't stop!"

"I don't plan on it, Susan. I'm not a wuss!"

"Wow, so this is human mating! King Edmund, why has Prince Caspian gone under Queen Susan's skirt?"

"I don't want to see this, I don't want to see this…"

"You are mine, my little tease. Did you seriously think that little stint you pulled at dinner was going to keep me from you?"

"What, rubbing your thigh under the table? No…Caspian, it seems to be working… Caspian, if you ask me."

"Peter's going to kill me for not stopping this. I'm a goner!"

"Caspian, I need you now!"

"Impatient, are we?"

"Shut up and fuck me already!"

"As you command, my queen."

"Oh Aslan, he's really doing it, isn't he?"

"Is that a problem, King Edmund. I personally think Queen Susan and Prince Caspian are perfect for each other."

"Yes, Trumpkin, it is a problem! I'm her brother! I'm supposed to keep guys from doing that to her!"

"Oh Caspian, more, more!"

"The queen seems to be enjoying herself, my liege. I daresay the mating is a success! Congratulations, King Edmund!"

"Oh Susan, Susan, you feel so good!"

"Caspian, I'm coming! I'm coming!"

"Come on my queen. Come on Susan!"

"Ahh, Caspian! CASPIAN!!!"

"This isn't happening, this isn't happening…"

"King Edmund they are done now. And it appears they have gone the wrong way. Let's hurry to the meeting."

"My liege, I am so happy to have witnessed a royal mating! I knew the events I would be witnessing these next few days would be great to be sure but this tops all."

"Yeah, let's not talk about it. Ever."

"There you guys are. Ed, have you seen Su? Or Caspian for that matter? We are kind of here for him."

"High King Peter, we saw them. They were…"

"Practicing their archery. Weren't they guys? You know those two, they love their bows and arrows, haha!"

"OK then…there you two are! So nice of you to join us. Was your archery practice successful? How's he doing, Su?"

"Um, archery practice? It went fine, yeah, fine…"

"What are you talking about Caspian? It was excellent. Caspian certainly knows how to hit the mark."

"Oh Aslan…."

"You alright Ed?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Alright, let's get on with the meeting…"

"You guys owe me big time."

"EDMUND!!!"


End file.
